Angry Youth! Blog

May 19, 2008

Well it’s not MY fault…

Filed under: Life — mikeyc252 @ 11:26 pm

It was 4:30 and raining. I finally ditched my ride who was taking too long and decided to tough it in the rain. Hey God, you know the saying APRIL showers bring MAY flowers? It’s not supposed to rain in May.

I could’ve gotten a ride from my mom but the line was busy. (not that I called her first) I maned up and assessed the situation: It was raining. I had part of my Humanities nine weeks project, a posterboard, with me. If it got wet the several minutes I had spent on it would drain away with the running ink.

I turned around and inspiration came to me. I was at the gym entrance outside the football field. A trash can sat by the drink vendors. By some act of God (payback for his dumb weather) two trash bags were folded inside the trash can. To the untrained eye trash bags may only be trash bags. But to this Boy Scout the plastic protector yielded limitless uses.

The door was open and I snatched the trash bag. I pulled it over my project, only ripping it once, and headed back outside.

ATTENTION READERS: I note the bag rippage as an obvious allusion to something that will happen later in the story. Pay close heed to the bag rippage!

I immediately regretted not grabbing the other trash bag and turning into a full body suit to keep my skin dry. Ironman has nothing on a cheap plastic bag poncho.

My covered project and me shared a symbiotic relationship. I gave it protection from the elements, it gave me protection from the elements. I’m not sure exactly how cool I looked with this posterboard over my head in the rain but my guess is in the upper-cool range. I learned to keep the board at a slight slant to shield me from the onslaught of rain.

ATTENTION READERS: Did you catch the consonance? Slight, slant, shield and onslaught? Just thought I’d point that out.

About half way to my house I tried to put my head directly in the rip and touching the board since I was concerned about board slippage in the bag. Unfortunately this is when things went downhill.

I felt the board slipping from my control. Suddenly a small burden eased from my head! I turned around and there, in all its glory, was my nine weeks project lying on the ground, getting wet. The ink on photo paper was already smearing.

ATTENTION READERS: This is where the allusion is filled. Did you catch it? This would make a great story to read in your english class-so many literary devices.

My cat-like Boy Scout reflexes kicked in. I grabbed the board and covered it on one side with the bag. I walked the rest of the way home, about five blocks, with no protection from the torrent.

As I walked home self-pity swirled in my wet skull. God, why have you forsaken me? Why did the bag rip? Why did the posterboard fall out? Why was my mom’s phone busy? (not like I was a sissy enough to call her)

ATTENTION READERS: This is known as a parallelism. It’s when you state three phrases with similar form for extra impact. C’mon Mrs. Johnson, I know you would rather teach this than The Scarlet Letter.

I finally made it home. My mom didn’t even hear me when I closed the door, even when I was seven feet away.

“I’m home.”

“How did you get home?”

How do you think? Apparently she was talking on the phone to Grandma or Vicki or someone like that.

Of course, it’s not my mom’s fault that I was soaking wet and my project was ruined. It was also Mrs. Sanders’. If she had given me a better grade I might have taken better care of my project. Stephanie Dersch, it’s your fault for not offering to take me home.

But most of all God, it’s your fault. I’ll get you back for this.

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1 Comment »

  1. I love your site!

    _____________________
    Experiencing a slow PC recently? Fix it now!

    Comment by Michael Tim — February 28, 2009 @ 5:47 pm


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