Angry Youth! Blog

April 11, 2008

Trust in polls surging, according to latest poll

Filed under: General Politics — Tags: — mikeyc252 @ 2:12 am

Note-this is totally fake

According to the latest Gallup poll, American’s trust in polls is at an all-time peak. 143% of those surveyed reported a trust in poll results as “very high.” 129% said the government should base its decisions solely on the latest polls and 107% favored replacing the legislative branch and signing poll results into law the next business day.
Says one polled citizen: “I just keep trusting pollsters more and more. Every poll is an accurate description of every aspect of this country.” Says poll expert Mark Turpen: “What we’re seeing here is a blind religious belief in apparent facts. Both the media and the average American are being bombarded with obviously fair polls.”
Pollsters like Steven Hitchens are excited about polling. “The more advanced the technology becomes, the more accurate the poll results.” Many pollsters credit internet polls for the surge in reliable polling data; obscure online polls have been hailed as the most accurate description of the country since the country itself.
Some politicians downsize poll results, calling them unreliable. According to the latest Fox News poll, their approval rates are plummeting. Hitchens cites polls as a great way to evaluate politicians and explains how polls can reveal hidden terrorists in the government. “If the majority believes a public figure is a terrorist or commie, he probably is.” He continues with the possibility of the “mindpoll” which continuously polls the brainwaves of unsuspecting citizens. “Polls-they’re the new fact” Hitchens excitedly added.

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